For those of you who know me are aware that I was subjected to relentless psychological and religious bullying at an all-boys Catholic boarding school.

In addition, religious-based intimidation 24/7 at the hands of those responsible for my care, ensuring I was safeguarded and protected due to the fact they were responsible for an innocent child being away from his parents.

We, like many others are deeply saddened by the events in Texas, unfortunately mas school shootings are becoming too frequent on the news and it is having an impact on us all. It is so hard to talk about events like these, let alone with our children. We do not want to scare them, or let them see how scared we are.

We feel like we should be able to explain what happened, but things like this defy all explanations.

We all know life can be busy, with work, social and family commitments filling our diary it can be difficult to say no to things for fear of disappointing others. This can come at the detriment of ourselves.

We need to learn to say no, to put ourselves first. I have implemented a few changes myself as I was guilty of putting myself at the bottom of the priority list.

Loneliness is when you feel the quality of your relationships and social contact is not as good as you’d like it to be. You don’t have to be alone to feel lonely - people with lots of friends and family and active social lives can still feel lonely if they don’t have strong connections with the people around them.

The COVID-19 pandemic has increased feelings of loneliness as we faced reduced social contact and isolation. Remote working has played a big part for some people.

Losing a baby means the loss of dreams for the baby’s future.

Parents may feel they were robbed of time to get to know their child.

Friends and family may never have met the child.

Though infant loss is often painful and traumatic, it’s possible to find healthy ways to cope.

Whilst grief at any stage is traumatic, the loss of a child leaves a different void in our lives.

Struggling to sleep – try the sleep restriction method.

The sleep restriction method requires the client to be in bed for a set period of time.

No longer than they usually sleep at night according to their sleep diary.

This technique involves spending less time in bed to ensure restful sleep for the time that the client is actually wanting to be in bed for.

Take the time to identify root causes, or the underlying problem(s) associated with the most minor of disagreements, in isolation, such as a house chore not being done.

The tiniest disagreement about the washing up not being done, suddenly escalates into a furious argument.

Demonstrate emotional intelligence by nipping this in the bud, calmly at the time so defusing the possibility of a catastrophic argument being the end result.

Dogs have been known to help people with emotional and behavioural problems, who find it hard to express themselves. Being with a dog during therapy can take the focus off them and could help the client to explore emotional thoughts and feelings that can be difficult to talk about.

Having a dog in the therapy room can help clients to understand boundaries. A dog is very good at self-soothing, taking themselves away from situations they are not comfortable in.

We can all feel negative from time to time.

I accept this can change from one day to the next.

More often than not, as soon as we feel positive and happy, before too long, we self-sabotage whether that is self-loathing or simply being overwhelmed by pure unhappiness and dissatisfaction.

Indian head massage or ‘Champissage’ from the Hindi word ‘Champi’ has traditionally been passed down from parent to child. Expectant mothers received massage daily to their head, face, neck, shoulders and back before and after childbirth and then massaged their child daily to promote bonding with the infant, to create calm in the child and good health. The children grow up knowing the massage techniques and in turn pass them onto their own children. Therefore massage is embedded within everyday life as the Indians believe it balances or preserves the body’s energy and promotes a healthy balanced life, thus everyone is capable of giving massage and receiving it.

**If ever you are feeling suicidal; call 999 immediately**

There are numerous free and anonymous hotlines with trained operators available.

Mental health crisis helplines

If you’re in crisis and need to talk right now, there are many helplines staffed by trained people ready to listen. They won’t judge you, and could help you make sense of what you’re feeling.

We use defence mechanisms to protect ourselves from feelings of anxiety or guilt, which arise because we feel threatened, or because our id or superego becomes too demanding.

Defence mechanisms operate at an unconscious level and help ward off unpleasant feelings (i.e., anxiety) or make good things feel better for the individual.

Ego-defence mechanisms are natural and normal. When they get out of proportion (i.e., used with frequency), neuroses develop, such as anxiety states, phobias, obsessions, or hysteria.

Addiction is defined as not having control over doing, taking or using something to the point where it could be harmful to you.

Addiction is mostly associated with gambling, drugs, alcohol and smoking; however, it is possible to be addicted to just about anything, including, work, internet, solvents, shopping

With my clients I use an activity log to help to re-energise them and to look at how they spend their time and see what split they have between pleasure and mastery. Pleasure activities are based on leisure (fun and enjoyment in the client’s spare time) whilst mastery activities are based on achievement (applying for jobs, chores, journaling etc.)

Would you consider alcoholism a disease? As an addiction counsellor I have done a lot of investigation into how this disorder is viewed.

Whilst it is confusing, even ambiguous, I believe in the ‘disease concept’ of alcoholism. Unlike other diseases such as cancer, users can simply decide to stop drinking alcohol. Whereas those living with cancer do not have the luxury of deciding to stop having cancer. That said, I believe that alcoholism is a disease of the mind. Alcoholism presents itself in ways far beyond the external appearance of a stereotypical ‘drunk’, staggering around, making a fool out of themselves.

Automatic thoughts are mental functions that occur without conscious judgment, deeply affecting our actions and emotions. These thoughts, which occur depending on the events in the environment, originate from our more stable beliefs and schemas. These thoughts are considered by the person to be true.

Negative automatic thoughts that lead to dysfunctional and unresolved moods are one of the important issues of CBT.

Automatic thoughts are always with us. CBT is used to remove negative automatic thoughts replacing them with positive reinforcement and mindset change.

In your first counselling session we will look at your SMART Goal, to help you understand a bit more about these we have done a Q&A with therapist Jerry so you know what to expect.

What are SMART goals? Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, Time bound.

As a psychotherapist I practice CBT, there are 6 levels I work with clients to change.

These are – environment, behaviour, capability, belief, identity and spirituality.

Not only do our furry friends bring us a sense of joy, research suggests that owning a pet also brings a powerful boost to our mental and physical health, relieving loneliness, reducing stress levels, and even increasing our life span. They help reduce stress, are good for our physical health, help us make connections, stop us from feeling lonely and offer us unconditional love.

Reading has many benefits, and these vary depending on what you are reading and why you are reading it. Reading can reduce your stress level and help promote mindfulness by keeping you in the present and focused on just one activity. Taking time with a good book also forces you to concentrate, concentration which might be otherwise lost due to stress. As a result, you learn to exercise your mind.